Nancy Drew: Secrets Can Chill
by Professor Snaglefoompus
Summary: Nancy Drew has been asked to solve a murder mystery in Paseo Del Mar High School! Too bad her sidekick, Detective B, is kind of useless. A humorous retelling of "Nancy Drew: Secrets Can Kill Remastered".
1. The Letter

_Dear Dad,_

_You've probably been wondering why I haven't been at home for the past few weeks. It's because I went to visit Aunt Eloise in Florida! Sorry for not telling you about this before I left._

_I'm writing because a student named Jake Rogers was murdered at the high school last night. Since I'm a great detective, an undercover police officer has asked me to figure out who did it. I don't want to jump to any conclusions at this point, but I'm pretty sure that the murderer is the culprit this time._

_So it's undercover I go! I'm calling this case "Secrets Can Chill"._

_No, wait. That's kind of a dumb name. "Secrets Can Kill"? "Secrets __**Have**__ Killed"? "Secrets, Which May Or May Not Result in Death And/Or Killing"._

_Eh, I'll figure out a better name later. Either way, I'm sure it'll be a killer case._

_Love,  
Nancy_

* * *

**Author's Note: **Yep, arglefumph is writing another Nancy Drew story! If any of you readers can think of a better name for this story, please let me know.


	2. Opening the Safe

Satisfied with what she had written, Nancy Drew folded up the letter to her father and stuck it in the envelope. Now all she needed was a stamp, and she could mail it.

Nancy looked around at Aunt Eloise's somewhat plain-looking house. She stepped forward to the small dresser in the hallway, and opened the drawer on the right. It didn't have any stamps, but in the drawer was a letter from the Sigma Phi Kappa Delta sorority, inviting Aunt Eloise to some kind of party.

Nancy tried the other drawers. The one on the left had a giant inflatable crocodile, while the one in the middle had stamps. Nancy smiled, and picked up the stamps. As she did so, she noticed a letter on top of the dresser.

_Nancy,_

_I went to go visit a friend in Tampa, so you're on your own for dinner tonight. I wanted to avoid traffic, so I skipped out early on my job as school librarian. Sure, this means that there is no adult supervision at Paseo Del Mar High School today, even though there's a killer on the loose, but I'm sure all the kids there will be fine._

_Anyway, if you need to do research for your case, the key to the library is in the safe. Just make sure never to enter a wrong combination._

_-Aunt Eloise_

Nancy smiled at Aunt Eloise's warning. The safe's security system literally dropped a miniature prison on top of anyone who entered a wrong combination. It was complete overkill, considering that the safe didn't contain anything of much value, but Aunt Eloise was paranoid like that.

Nancy had gotten trapped in the prison at least four times since she first arrived, two days ago. But she was pretty sure she knew the combination by now. It was the name of Aunt Eloise's sorority: sigma phi kappa delta.

Nancy walked over to the safe, which was cleverly hidden behind a tapestry. She pressed the correct buttons, and the safe opened. Nancy picked up the library key from behind the safe door, and she pocketed it.

The safe also contained two scrolls of paper, a folder, and a mystery novel entitled Nancy Drew: Secrets Can Kill, written in 1998. Nancy picked up the book and skipped all the way to the last chapter, where she started reading. It seemed that the case ended at Vanderlay Pharmaceuticals, where the detective and two high school students fought a murderer.

"Aha, so the culprit is somebody called Mitch Dillon!" Nancy said. "So all I have to do is look out for him, and when I've got him, I've got the culprit! Ha, this case will be a cinch!"

Unfortunately for Nancy, she didn't realize she was playing the 2010 _Remastered_ version of _Secrets Can Kill_, which has a different culprit. Either way, she figured the book would be useful to have, so she put it in her pocket.

The only other interesting thing in the safe was a slider puzzle. Someone could move the tiles around, in order to form a picture. Nancy wasn't sure where the picture was from, but if she had to guess, it was probably the cover art for a book called Nancy Drew Wears a Ballerina Dress In Order to Escape an Angry Mob While a Mysterious Culprit Cleans the Wall.

Nancy solved the slider puzzle, using the age-old technique of removing all the tiles at once, then putting them in place one-by-one, as opposed to actually sliding them around. With a click, the box with the slider puzzle opened, revealing a small piece of lined paper.

_Username: Eloise Drew  
Password: O Wise Elder_

Nancy frowned. "There's no money in the safe!" she said. "How am I supposed to pay for dinner?"


	3. Detective Beech Calls

Nancy decided to leave Aunt Eloise's, so she could mail the letter to her dad. As she approached the front door, her phone went off. An anonymous person was calling her.

_Probably somebody trying to sell me something,_ Nancy thought, as she picked it up and answered.

"Nancy? Detective Beech here," a somewhat congested voice said. "How are you?"

"Fine," Nancy said. "I'm kinda strapped for cash at the moment. How are things with you?"

"I'm frustrated, Nancy," Beech said. "I need answers, and you're my man, er...woman, teen, student, whatever."

"I prefer the term 'international supersleuth'," Nancy said. "But you can address me as 'your royal highness'."

"Uh...sure," Detective Beech said. "Anyway, as soon as you find out anything, let me know right away. All contact should be through me."

"How do I contact you?" Nancy asked. For some reason, her phone was unable to add Detective Beech's number to her contacts list. She figured that was because he called from a secure police line.

"I'll be at Maxine's Diner, near the high school," Detective Beech said. "You can come visit me in person."

"Sounds good," Nancy said. "So, what's our cover?"

"Our _what?_" Detective Beech asked.

Nancy sighed. "Look, Detective B, if you're going to be my sidekick for this adventure, you need to be more on top of things," she said. "I'm going undercover as a new student. Who are you going undercover as?"

"Oh..." Detective Beech said. "I'll be posing as your uncle. Uncle Steve."

"I guess that'll work," Nancy said. "I was just about to leave the house now, so I guess I'll see you soon, Detective Ocean."

Nancy hung up her phone and stepped outside.


	4. Meeting Daryl Gray

Nancy left Aunt Eloise's house, and she walked towards Paseo Del Mar High School. But she was hungry, and Aunt Eloise said she was on her own for dinner, so Nancy decided to go to Maxine's Diner instead.

Maxine's was a 50's-style diner, selling old-fashioned hamburgers, milkshakes and things like that. There was a jukebox, and some arcade games in the corner.

The only employee at the diner was a teenager with sandy-colored hair. "Hi, welcome to Maxine's!" he said. "I'm Daryl Gray. I don't think I've seen you here before."

"My name's Nancy Drew," Nancy said. "I'm here visiting my Aunt Eloise. She's the librarian at Paseo Del Mar High."

"I'm the student body president there," Daryl said. "If you need any help, just let me know."

"Thanks," Nancy said. "What's it like at Paseo Del Mar?"

"It's a great school," Daryl assured her. "Lots of good people, nice teachers, and our football team is #1 in the state, four years running."

"Does anything bad happen at the school?" Nancy asked. "Like, I dunno..._the occasional murder?_"

"Yeah," Daryl said, looking kind of upset. "A senior named Jake Rogers was killed last week. He worked here, but I didn't really know him. He kept to himself, mostly."

_Either that, or Daryl's trying to distance himself from the victim to avoid suspicion,_ Nancy thought. She asked, "Has the culprit been caught yet?"

"No, nobody's heard anything about any arrests," Daryl said. "But my resources say they're bringing in a special detective to solve the case. Maybe even the FBI."

"You must have special contacts," Nancy noted.

"Special enough to let me see beautiful women like yourself!" Daryl said.

Nancy stared at Daryl. "What." she said.

"Get it?" Daryl said, pointing to his eye. "I'm wearing contacts that let me see beautiful women?"

Nancy gave Daryl a death-stare, and he was forced to contemplate the utter ineffectiveness of his pick-up lines as the awkward silence stretched towards infinity.

"...Never mind," Daryl said. "Nice meeting you, Nancy."

Nancy turned and left Daryl to himself.


	5. The Case Report

Nancy made a beeline towards the only other person in Maxine's. If she was right, this man was Detective Beech, working undercover as her uncle.

"Uncle Steve!" Nancy said, slipping into the booth across from him.

"Nancy!" Detective Beech said. "I haven't seen you since...uh...well, for a long time!"

"Well, it's not _my _fault you don't come and visit more often," Nancy said. "So what's up?"

Detective Beech looked right and left, making sure no one could overhear them. Since there was only one other person in the diner, this probably wasn't a necessary precaution. He leaned in closer to Nancy and said, "We prepared a case report for you. It turns out there are two stories about the victim."

"Goody!" Nancy said. She liked storytime.

"Everyone already knows the public version of the story," Beech said. "Jake Rogers was a senior at Paseo Del Mar. Kind of a nasty fellow, unpopular as a result. He was at school after hours, for an unknown reason, when he was pushed down a flight of stairs."

"Uh huh," Nancy said. She grabbed a menu and started looking through it. For some odd reason, "Xe:R3" was scribbled inside.

"The private version of the story?" Beech said. "Jake Rogers was a small-time crook. His personal bank account is huge, at least ten times what he made as an employee here. He was probably involved in drugs, blackmail, or both."

"That's not good," Nancy said.

"Students mention the fact that Jake always carried a blue notebook around with him. Always. He was never seen without it."

Detective Beech took a sip of his coffee.

"Of course, everyone figured it was his math notebook or something like that," Beech continued. "But we know better. That notebook probably contained a list of his illegal dealings, or some other kind of incriminating evidence. When he was killed, the notebook disappeared."

"Hmmm..." Nancy said thoughtfully.

"The notebook is our best lead right now," Beech said. "Maybe the killer took it, or maybe Jake hid it in the school somewhere. Either way, find the notebook, find the killer. That's the plan."

"I've got it!" Nancy said.

"You...you have the notebook?!" Detective Beech asked.

"No, I know what I'm going to eat!" Nancy said. "I'm going to get the Maxine's Special! It sounds delicious!"

Nancy put down the menu. "Now, what were you saying about the case report?"


	6. The Kitchen

Nancy sat around for a while, until she got tired of waiting for her food. She decided to go to the kitchen in the back, so she could see what was taking the cook so long.

It turned out there _was_ no cook, which explained why Nancy's meal was taking so long to make. Since the murder victim spent a lot of time in the diner, Nancy figured it couldn't hurt if she snooped around for a bit.

In the corner of the kitchen was a large sink area, where they cleaned utensils. Nancy rifled through them, and picked up a particularly cool-looking soup ladle for no real reason. Then she noticed a crumpled-up piece of paper nearby. She picked it up and read:

_Dear Daryl,_

_I need to break off our date to the Sadie Hawkins' dance. I'm very sorry—but something suddenly came up._

_Connie_

"Daryl has trouble finding a date? I'm not surprised," Nancy said dryly.

Nancy passed over some shelves full of cooking supplies, and her attention was caught by a piece of paper attached to a fridge. It was a list of instructions for employees, with Hg:L3 written on the bottom. Not too far away was the work schedule, which indicated that Jake Rogers usually worked with Daryl.

"They should really think about hiring a third employee to work here," Nancy said to herself.

At the bottom of the work schedule was a note which read Te:L3. Nancy immediately wrote this down in her notebook. One weird clue was a fluke, but two? That was a pattern.

Nancy looked around the rest of the kitchen, but it was pretty boring. They had cooking supplies, utensils and grills. Nancy rarely cooked herself, mainly because Hannah had banned Nancy from the kitchen. Hannah made this decision after Nancy accidentally set the oven on fire while attempting to make apple slices for lunch. Nancy thought that was an excessive punishment.

"I am a _great_ chef!" Nancy said. "In fact, I can prove it by cooking my food myself!"

Nancy hunched over the oven, which looked kind of old. She had no idea how to use it, so she started by turning some of the knobs around. This had no effect, so she tried kicking the oven, which caused a loud clanging sound. Nancy looked to her left, and she was surprised to see that the old pipe was being supported by some bolt cutters.

_Uh...why do they use hardware tools to hold up the oven pipes?_ Nancy thought. She picked up the bolt cutters, and the pipe immediately fell apart. The hiss of gas filled the air.

"Oh no! Oh no!" Nancy said, looking around for something to hold up the pipe and stop the gas from flowing freely. She knew she had to act quickly, or else she'd get woozy and faint.

"The soup ladle!" Nancy said, picking up the first item she could find. She jammed it under the pipe, and amazingly enough, it worked. It looked incredibly dangerous and unstable, but at least gas wasn't leaking everywhere.

Nancy dashed out of the kitchen and out of Maxine's diner. "Hey, you guys might want to fix the pipes on your oven!" she shouted at Daryl Gray, on her way out.


	7. Poor Mr September

Nancy Drew decided it was a good time to visit Paseo Del Mar High School, the scene of Jake's murder. She walked into the building and headed down the halls to her right. Pretty much every bulletin board had a secret message for Nancy to decode, along with a note along the lines of Hf:L1.

Poor Nancy had no idea how to decode these hidden messages. _Were_ they hidden messages? Maybe they were just random letters and numbers written everywhere.

Nancy found the door to the boiler room, which was locked. She continued down the hall and found herself in some sort of lounge. There were study tables, a magazine rack, a soda machine and various posters. There was also a girl in the room, and if the plaque in front of the girl was to be believed, she was the hall monitor.

Nancy eyed the right side of the room, which had a door to the teacher's lounge. It also had a large board, containing pictures of the various students of the month at Paseo Del Mar High. One of the students stood out to Nancy: Mr. September. She recalled talking to Aunt Eloise about that boy, a few days ago...

* * *

"School started on September 30th that year," Aunt Eloise said. "There was no way to determine who the best student was, so we gave the Student of the Month award to some random kid whose name we picked out of the school directory. Big mistake."

"Why?" Nancy asked.

"He threw a fit at the award ceremony," Aunt Eloise said. "He was screaming and crying and making a huge fuss. Nobody could calm him down, and after about an hour, we sent him home. He was still shouting about how this was the greatest moment of his life."

"What happened to him after that?" Nancy asked.

"He never returned to school," Aunt Eloise said. "We got a letter from him, six months later, saying he moved away and changed his name to 'arglefumph'. I don't know what to make of it, myself. The school psychiatrist said that he freaked _out_, but he never freaked back in again."

* * *

"Poor Mr. September," Nancy said. "I can't believe he went crazy."

The other students on the Students of the Month board looked reasonably sane, though, so Nancy decided to shrug it off.


	8. Connie Watson

The hall monitor in the study area was a somewhat short girl with reddish-brown hair. She was wearing a pink shirt, and she had a golden medallion around her neck. On the medallion was a foreign-looking letter that Nancy didn't recognize.

"Hi, I'm Connie," the hall monitor said. "You're not from around here, are you?"

"How did you know?" Nancy asked.

"I have every student in this entire school memorized," Connie said. "I have a _lot_ of free time. Things around here are usually quiet and boring."

"That must be nice," Nancy said.

"Of course, _now_ things are totally out of control," Connie said. "Somebody was killed last night, and all the students are worried."

"Who was killed?" Nancy asked.

"Oh, just this wannabe stud named Jake Rogers," Connie said, in a dismissive voice. "He was a total creep! Nobody liked him!"

Connie waved her hand at Nancy. "I gotta go now," she said. "Later."

Connie then leaned back in her chair. Nancy looked around, confused.

"Aren't you going to go somewhere?" she asked.

"No. Why?" Connie asked.

"Because—ah, never mind," Nancy said. "Can you tell me more about Jake Rogers?"

"No," Connie said. "I tried my best to avoid him whenever possible. All the guys at this school are slimeballs, but Jake was the worst of the bunch."

"_All_ of the guys are slimeballs?" Nancy asked, disappointed. If none of the guys were good, she would have a hard time finding a date for the Paseo Del Mar Homecoming Dance.

"Well, maybe not _all_ of them," Connie allowed. "Daryl Gray seems nice. I _wish_ I knew him better."

"Hey, wait a second," Nancy said, putting two and two together. "Daryl got a letter from a girl named Connie, saying that she had to break off their date for the Sadie Hawkins Dance."

Connie looked upset. "That's right," she said.

"And Connie, you just said you know every student in the school," Nancy said. "So, do you know who Connie is?"

Connie stared blankly at Nancy. "It's me," she said finally. "I sent Daryl that letter. I don't want to talk about it."

"But you were just saying you'd like to get to know—"

"It's complicated," Connie sighed. "I _said_ I don't want to talk about it."

Nancy noticed for the first time that Connie had rather large muscles, so Nancy decided to slowly back away. She tripped over her shoelaces and smashed against the soda machine behind her.

***BWWAAAAP! BWWAAAAP!* **went the soda machine.

"I didn't do it!" Nancy said automatically. "It wasn't me!"

"You set off the soda machine alarm," Connie said. "Don't worry; it happens all the time. I'll turn it off for you."


	9. Hal Tanaka

Nancy left the lounge and went to the study hall, which was very close by. The only person in the room was an Asian boy, who looked like he was wearing a shirt that was too big for him.

"Hey there," Nancy said. "What's your name?"

"I'm Hal Tanaka," the student said. "Actually, my real first name is Halloween, but Hal is my nickname. I shortened it when I moved here from Japan."

"Why do you think it's easier to have an American name?" Nancy asked.

"I want to fit in and be part of the culture here in America," Hal said. "In fact, I want to live here permanently. Right now, I'm just a foreign exchange student."

"I'm from another state, so I guess I'm kind of an exchange student myself," Nancy said. "My name's Nancy Drew."

"It is nice to meet you, Nancy," Hal said. "You picked a bad time to come visit Paseo Del Mar High School, I am afraid. Everyone is very stressed out about the murder."

"Did you know the victim?" Nancy asked.

"I feel uncomfortable talking about this right now," Hal said, grabbing onto his arm. "Please, excuse me."

He then leaned forward and looked at the books on the table in front of him.

"Uh..." Nancy said. Hal didn't appear to be doing anything.

_First Connie, now Hal,_ Nancy thought. _Does every student at this school excuse themselves from conversations, only to remain in place?_

"What are you doing?" Nancy asked.

"Studying," Hal said. "I must get good grades on all my exams, if I want to get a scholarship and become a doctor."

"Do you know Connie Watson?" Nancy asked. Nancy wasn't sure how she knew Connie's last name, but now wasn't the time to worry about small details.

"Yes, we've been in a few classes together," Hal said. "She was dating Jake Rogers."

Nancy's jaw dropped. "But she thought he was a creep!" she said. "Why would she _date_ him?"

"Maybe she did not learn he was a creep until after the date," Hal said. "I do not know. I have a hard time understanding girls and dating."

"Really?" Nancy asked.

"Yes," Hal said. He could still remember one particularly disastrous meeting he had with a girl, back in Japan. Her name was Yumi Shimizu, and she worked at a bento stand. Hal had stopped by the stand to get some lunch.

"Hello," Hal said. "The weather is nice today."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Yumi asked. "Are you breaking up with me?"

"Breaking up? But you are not my girlfriend," Hal said. "I have never even met you—"

"Not your girlfriend?" Yumi asked. "So you _are _breaking up with me! Jerk!"

"I think there has been a misunderstanding—" Hal said.

_"I'll smother you with bento!"_ Yumi shouted. She started throwing boxes at Hal, forcing him to retreat into a nearby conference room.

"Girls are strange sometimes," Hal said to Nancy.


	10. The Library

Nancy continued her counter-clockwise journey through the school with a trip to the library. She had the key from Aunt Eloise's safe, so she was able to get inside easily. The library was extremely large, with two different stories containing thousands of books.

"I don't have time to read all these books," Nancy said. "Time to use a shortcut."

She pulled out her copy of Nancy Drew: Secrets Can Kill and flipped to Chapter Ten, entitled "The Library". She started to read the book.

_Nancy found herself in Aunt Eloise's domain: the library. The smell of books hit her nose, and she smiled as she began her research in the encyclopedia section. The first thing she looked up were foreign words. Diagrams in the encyclopedia showed some common ones._

_"The medallion that Connie is wearing means 'crane'," Nancy said. "And crane is the name of the judo school being advertised in the school. Maybe Connie is the masked competitor who won the boys-only judo competition."_

"Wow, the Nancy in this story is a lot farther along in the mystery than I am," Nancy noted.

_Nancy also looked up some of the drugs which were stolen from Vandelay Pharmaceuticals. Most of them were steroids which had a danger of being abused by athletes._

_"Athletes like Hulk Sanchez," Nancy said to herself. "This would explain his better-than-normal winning record this year, despite his injuries."_

"Who's Hulk Sanchez?" Nancy wondered.

_Nancy was about to leave, when she noticed an open drawer in the card catalogue. Pulling it out all the way, she saw that the last person to use the catalog had been looking for English Essays Through the Ages. Suddenly, Jake's note popped into her head:_

_He did what it took to make the grade  
Even if it meant cheating to keep up the charade_

_"I need to find this book," Nancy decided. If Hal was plagiarizing essays, and Jake Rogers knew about it, Hal had a very good motive for killing Jake._

"Agh!" Nancy said, closing the book. "This book is full of spoilers!"


	11. Hulk Sanchez

Nancy left the library and turned right. The halls in Paseo Del Mar were slightly difficult to navigate, but she eventually found herself in the gym area. Someone wearing a sports jersey was standing in the corner, playing with a football.

"Woah, a new girl in school!" he said. "Do you realize what destiny has brought you today? Yours truly, Hector Sanchez! But you can just call me 'The Hulk'."

"Hulk Sanchez?" Nancy said. "I've heard of you."

"Everyone has!" Hulk said proudly. "I'm the quarterback for the #1 team in the state! Soon, it's college ball, and then the pros! Show time!"

"No, I heard that you were injured, and you're using steroids to cover for it," Nancy said.

Hulk looked enraged. "That's a lie!" he said. "Who'd you hear that from, Jake Rogers?!"

"Uh..." Nancy said. She couldn't exactly say she read it in a book, but Hulk didn't seem to care. He already decided Jake was behind the nasty steroid rumor.

"Jake Rogers was a loser," Hulk confirmed. "No one liked the dude. Even if he'd lived, he was headed for trouble."

Hulk waved a hand at Nancy. "Sorry, can't talk now. I gotta get to practice. Later."

He then resumed his important business of standing in a corner. Nancy stared at him for a few seconds, then sighed. Just like Connie and Hal, Hulk could only talk for a little while before he ended the conversation. It was almost like he was a robot, who could only talk for two minutes at a time.

"What can you tell me about Connie Watson?" she asked.

"Oh, she hangs out at the gym a lot," Hulk said, acting as if their previous conversation hadn't been broken off. "She's one of our best athletes! Cute girl, too. Heard she's been having some money problems, though."

"Really," Nancy said. "And what about Hal Tanaka?"

"That dude is _always_ studying!" Hulk said. "He's a huge fan of mine! At least, he _was_ until he started hanging out with Jake. After that, he stopped coming to my games, saying that he was 'busy'."

"You sound upset about losing your biggest fan," Nancy noted.

"I am!" Hulk said. "It's all Jake Rogers' fault! That little worm had a locker right next to Tanaka's, and he somehow turned him against me! And on top of that, Jake spread rumors about me doing steroids! Those are rumors, as in, _not true at all!_"

Hulk dug his fingers into the football he was holding. Nancy could have sworn she saw the stitching on the football pop.

"Oh, wow, look at the time!" she said. "I gotta get going, before you hurt somebody! Ha ha, bye!"


	12. Too Much Coffee

Nancy ran away from Paseo Del Mar and took refuge inside Maxine's Diner. Daryl Gray was still working by himself there. "Hey, gorgeous," he said. "How's it going?"

_Ugh..._ Nancy thought.

"Daryl, stop flirting with me," she ordered. "I'm here to ask you about the other students at school, not to be your love interest."

"Why not?" Daryl whined.

"Because, frankly, you're not that interesting," Nancy said. "Let's start with Connie Watson. You know her?"

"Not very well," he said. "She keeps to herself. I always thought there's something mysterious about her. Kind of the same way I feel about you."

"Keep that up, and I'll mysteriously slap you in the face," Nancy said. "Connie asked you to the Sadie Hawkins Dance, then cancelled?"

"Yeah..." Daryl said. "It was weird. I mean, a girl cancelling a date with _me?_ But what was ever weirder, she took Jake instead of me."

"She probably just didn't want to date a slimeball," Nancy said. "Now what about Hal Tanaka?"

"He's a Japanese exchange student," Daryl said. "He's always focused on grades and studying. He says he wants to become a doctor. Personally? I'm a Doctor of Love."

"Ah," Nancy said. She always wondered where the title for the movie _Dr. Strange Love_ came from. Now she knew. "Finally, what can you tell me about Hulk Sanchez?"

"He's a big shot at the school," Daryl said. "And with all the football scouts at our games, he's been under a lot of pressure to perform. Sort of like how I—"

"Later," Nancy said. She walked away, considering whether or not to put Daryl on the top of her suspect list, just for being annoying. Nancy made a beeline for the booth with Detective Beech, then flopped in a chair.

"Uncle Steve, what's up?" she asked.

"Not much," Detective Beech said. "So far, I've been sitting here for the past hour, drinking coffee. Any progress on your end?"

"Well, I've talked to all the students at Paseo Del Mar," she said. "All four of them. And they all have motives for killing Jake. It seems that Daryl, Connie and Jake were in a weird love triangle, surrounding the Sadie Hawkins Dance."

"Interesting," Detective Beech said. "What about the other students?"

"Hulk hated Jake," Nancy said. "That's because Jake stole Hal Tanaka, the Hulk's biggest football fan. So it's safe to say that Jake, Hal and the Hulk were _also_ in a weird love triangle."

Detective Beech put down his coffee cup. "Let's get to the important point," he said. "Did any one of them mention Jake's notebook?"

"The notebook?" Nancy asked. "Oh, right, I forgot about that. I'm more focused on finding the killer than finding the victim's diary, to be honest."

"Nancy, I need—I mean, _the police_ need that notebook!" Detective Beech said, slamming his coffee on the table.

"Calm down, Detective B!" Nancy said.

_"That's Uncle Steve!"_ he said. "And I need that notebook before the day is over!"

"Okay, okay, I'll get the notebook!" Nancy said. "Just relax! And stop drinking so much coffee. I think it's hurting your nerves."


	13. Minor Investigation

Nancy left Maxine's and yawned. She was finished talking with everyone for the time being, which meant it was time for some minor investigation. Her first destination? Aunt Eloise's house.

"Auntie El must have hid the key to the teacher's lounge somewhere in her house," Nancy said to herself. "Think, Nancy, think. If you were a book-obsessed librarian, where would _you_ hide a key?"

Nancy thought for a moment.

"In the VCR!" she said. "Nobody would think to look there, because people stopped using VHS tapes in 2001! It's the _perfect_ place to hide something!"

Nancy went to Aunt Eloise's side room, which contained an elaborate TV case surrounded by rows of books. Nancy turned on the TV, but all she got was static. She looked around for a remote, but she didn't see one.

Nancy slammed her hand against the TV. A book fell off of a shelf, and opened up. Inside the book was a hidden key to the library.

"All right!" Nancy said. She left Aunt Eloise's house, then went back to Paseo Del Mar High School. She had been to _most _of the school by now, but the one place she hadn't visited was the victim's locker. As you might expect, it was locked.

"What's the combination?" Nancy wondered. She consulted her copy of Nancy Drew: Secrets Can Kill to learn that it was 5253. When you're sending a text message and you spell the word "Jake", those are the numbers you press. Nancy tried entering that combination, and it worked.

At the top of the locker was an empty cassette box, a book entitled English Essays Through the Ages, and a magazine about judo. Apparently, a mysterious masked contestant entered the local men's judo competition and beat everyone without much effort.

"Interesting," Nancy said. "I didn't know Batman lived in Florida."

At the bottom on the locker was a newspaper about a break-in at the local pharmacy. The culprit had stolen some drugs that were also steroids.

"Wait a second!" Nancy said. "If Batman lives here, why didn't he stop the robbery? And come to think of it, why didn't he prevent Jake from being killed?"

Perhaps Batman was only in Florida for vacation. In any case, Nancy knew she was a cooler superhero than Batman, so she resolved to be the first one to solve the case. Besides, thanks to the fact that she had the book the game was based on, she pretty much knew all the answers ahead of time.

"Since I know Hulk Sanchez is abusing steroids to make up for his injuries, I'm guessing that _he_ stole the drugs from the pharmacy," Nancy concluded. She went to Hulk Sanchez to confirm her suspicions. The Hulk was _still_ standing in a corner, playing with a football.

"Can you tell me about the drug store robbery?" Nancy asked.

"Why would I know about that?" Hulk responded. "All I know about is football."

"Oh," Nancy said. "Then, do you know why Jake had an empty cassette tape in his locker?"

"Why would I know about that?" Hulk responded. "All I know about is football."

"Are you a boy or a girl?" Nancy asked.

"Why would I know about that?" Hulk responded. "All I know about is football."

"Oh, dear," Nancy said to herself. "I think he's broken. Don't worry, Hulk. I'll go get help."

Nancy turned around to go get someone, when she tripped over her shoelaces again and slammed into the soda machine.

***BWWAAAAP! BWWAAAAP!* **went the soda machine.

"D'oh!" Nancy said.


	14. An Angry Connie

"Okay, no big deal," Nancy said. "I'll get Connie to come fix this soda machine. I've done that before."

Nancy made her way to the study hall, where Connie carried out her important Hall Monitor duties. Nancy wasn't sure what those duties were. They clearly didn't have anything to do with halls, seeing as Connie wasn't in the halls. They also didn't seem to have much to do with monitoring.

"Hey, Connie!" Nancy said.

"What's up?" Connie asked.

"Your medallion has a symbol which means 'Crane'," Nancy said, suddenly sounding intellectual. "And Crane is the name of the judo school from the poster on the gym."

"Funny, I never noticed," Connie said.

There was a pause.

"...That's it?" Nancy asked. "That's a major plot point, and you're just going to brush it aside like that?"

"What do you _want_ me to say?" Connie asked. "I don't know anything about martial arts!"

"Yeah, but maybe you know something about _marital_ arts!"

"Marital?"

"Yeah, maybe you're getting married!" Nancy said. "I heard you cancelled your Sadie Hawkins date with Daryl Gray, so you could take Jake instead! What's up with that? I thought you said you hated Jake!"

"Hey, a girl can make mistakes, can't she?" Connie asked.

"You broke up with a guy you like, so you can date a guy you hate," Nancy said. "That seems like more than just a _mistake_, if you ask me. It sounds like a motive!"

"I didn't kill Jake Rogers!" Connie said. "And I don't appreciate these wild accusations! If you keep up with this misbehavior, I'll use judo to keep you in line!"

"So you _do_ know judo!" Nancy said.

"Rrrrrgh!" Connie said.

"Oh, and someone set off the soda machine alarm in the gym again," Nancy said.

Connie stood up and flipped over the table in front of her, in one smooth motion. She stomped out of the room and towards the gym.

"Gee," Nancy said to herself. "I wonder what got her so angry."


	15. Mitch Dillon

Nancy looked around the now-empty study hall. With Connie out of the way, she could now enter the Teacher's Lounge. Using the key she had taken from Aunt Eloise's, she opened the door and went inside.

Grabbing some of the pastries off the table, Nancy looked around. There was a bookcase, a map, many file cabinets, and...wait.

Nancy's detective senses were tingling. They directed her towards one drawer, out of the sixteen drawers. They then led her to one file, out of the dozens of files in the drawer. The file, which belonged to Hal Tanaka, contained a copy of his Senior Essay for English class.

Nancy instantly recognized it as being taken, word for word, from the book in Jake's locker.

"Hal's a plagiarist, and Jake knew it!" Nancy said. "MOTIVE!"

Nancy wasn't too concerned about this, to be honest. In all of her mysteries, every character seemed to have a motive. It wouldn't be much of a mystery if only the culprit had a motive, right?

Nancy made her way to the computer, and logged on with Aunt Eloise's ID and password. There wasn't much to look at, besides a list of passwords and Aunt Eloise's email. The printer said it had something in the queue, so Nancy decided to print it out.

It was the security file, for the night of Jake's murder. According to the file, _all_ of the suspects were probably at school that night. It didn't narrow things down at all.

Nancy sighed and left the teacher's lounge. Immediately, her cell phone rang. According to Caller ID, it was Mitch Dillon of Dillon HVAC calling.

_My copy of Secrets Can Kill says that he's the culprit!_ Nancy thought excitedly. She answered the call.

"You'd better stop your nosey nosing, or it'll get bent way out of shape!" a nasally voice said.

"Hey, Mitch," Nancy said. "Sounds like you're having a rough day."

"Wha?" the man said. "How did you know my name?"

"Caller ID," Nancy said. "So you're the school's air conditioning guy, right? Why'd you kill Jake?"

"I...I don't know what you're talking about!" Mitch said. "I didn't kill anyone!"

"Did he insult the air conditioning?" Nancy asked. "Did he think it was too warm or something? Is that it?"

"I didn't kill anyone!" Mitch repeated.

"Yeah, but you _threatened_ me," Nancy said. "How do you think the police are going to react when they find that out? I bet they'll be upset."

"And now you're threatening _me_," Mitch said. "Leave me alone, unless you want to end up like Jake."

"I'm not worried," Nancy said honestly. "I made friends with the judo master hall monitor. She'll protect me!"

"We'll see about that," Mitch said. Then he hung up.


	16. Plagiarism

Nancy went to visit Hal Tanaka. The studious Japanese teenager was currently writing an essay.

"Hey, Hal," Nancy said. "Look, I know you're innocent, but let's go through the motions anyway. I just learned that you plagiarized your senior essay, and Jake knew about it."

Hal's face immediately fell. "Yes, Nancy," he said. "I am...so ashamed."

"You could expelled for plagiarism," Nancy said. "Why'd you do it?"

"I'm taking too many classes right now," Hal said. "And I can't drop any classes, because I have to become a doctor. I didn't have _time_ to write a full essay!"

"I see," Nancy said. "So what did Jake do when he found out?"

"He blackmailed me into doing his homework for the rest of the year," Hal said. "Now I have even _less_ time to write essays!"

"But now that he's dead, you have your free time back," Nancy said. "And nobody knows about your plagiarism escapade. Sounds like a pretty good motive to me."

"I did not kill Jake Rogers!" Hal protested. "I value human life!"

"You're still at the top of my suspect list," Nancy said seriously. "Well, to be honest, you're #3 on the list, because I put all the names in alphabetical order. But you're _still_ near the top!"

With that cautionary warning, Nancy turned around and left the room. She also left the school, going straight for Maxine's Diner. It was time for her to check in with her useless sidekick for this case, Detective Beech.

"Yo, Detective B, what's up?" Nancy said.

"Not much going on at my end," Detective Beech said. "I've been sitting here, drinking coffee, keeping an eye on the diner."

"I, uh, appreciate the help," Nancy said. She had no idea why he thought it was important to guard an empty diner, but then again, he was kind of odd.

"What's new on your end?" Beech asked. "Did you find the notebook yet?"

"No, but it turns out that Hal Tanaka was being blackmailed by Jake," Nancy said. "And thanks to information from Jake's locker, I'm pretty sure that Hulk Sanchez is taking steroids to help out his football game."

"Do you think Jake was blackmailing the Hulk, too?" Beech asked.

"There's more," Nancy said. "Connie went out with Jake, even though she really didn't want to. I'm guessing he blackmailed her into doing it."

"So he was a serial blackmailer!" Detective Beech said.

"I'm not done yet," Nancy said. "Two minutes ago, I got a text message from Aunt Eloise." Nancy held up her phone so Detective Beech could read it.

_Jake Rogers was a monster. He blackmailed me into ignoring his overdue library book fines! Now those twelve cents will **never** be repaid! I don't know what to do!_

"Jake Rogers was a bad kid," Beech agreed.


	17. The Foreshadowing Chapter

"I think the real killer is Mitch Dillon," Nancy said. "He called me and threatened me."

"Interesting..." Detective Beech said. He took a sip of coffee. "Mitch's name came up in the course of our investigation, but we couldn't find any solid evidence. I wonder how he learned you're on the case."

"I don't know, but he sounded deadly serious," Nancy said. "What if he comes after me?"

"You let us worry about Mitch Dillon," Beech said. "You just focus on finding Jake's notebook."

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're more concerned about finding that notebook than solving the murder," Nancy said.

"I told you already, the police suspect that Jake was involved in selling drugs," Detective Beech said. "If we get his notebook with all of his contacts inside, we could bust a major drug ring! We _need_ that notebook!"

"Fine, fine, I get the picture," Nancy said. She got up and walked out of the diner.

"Nancy, wait!" a voice cried.

Nancy turned around to see Daryl at the counter, waving his hands. "What is it you want _now_, Daryl?" she asked.

"I got something for you," Daryl said.

Nancy walked to the counter. "This better not be a trick..." she said warningly.

"It's not!" Daryl said. "Sheesh, you're just as uptight as your uncle!"

Nancy cast a side glance towards Detective Beech. "Uncle Steve?"

"The other week, he lost a notebook or something," Daryl said. "He _freaked out_. Started screaming at everyone here. Anyway, someone left this for you."

Daryl slid an envelope across the counter. It had NANCY DREW written on top. It also had Mitch Dillon's business address printed in the upper/left corner. Nancy opened the letter and read it.

_I have the key to your mystery. Meet me in the boiler room, under the school. TELL NO ONE._

"Well, that's certainly an ominous letter," Nancy said. "But I guess I don't have a choice."

"A choice about what, Babe?" Daryl asked.

"Don't call me that," Nancy ordered. "I have a boyfriend, and he's not you."

"That's what _all_ the girls say," Daryl pouted.


	18. The Boiler Room

Nancy returned to the school and went to the boiler room. The door was locked with a Braille keypad, but that didn't stop our favorite detective! She knew the password was "note", thanks to the list of passwords on the school computer.

Nancy stepped inside the room, and took the elevator down a floor. The doors opened, and she stepped out to see the boiler, producing a dangerous amount of flames.

"It looks like it's going to explode!" Nancy said.

Nancy shook her head. This was the fifth time that year an anonymous note had led her into a death trap. She _really_ needed to ignore letters from criminals from now on.

"Okay, how do I get out of here?" Nancy wondered. The elevator button on this floor had been destroyed, and she could see no other exits. In front of the boiler were three levers, which were locked together with a chain.

Nancy suddenly remembered a hidden clue from Maxine's Diner.

_The bolt cutters you must take  
Or you could be the next Jake_

"The bolt cutters!" Nancy said. She took them out of her incredibly large pocket and threw them into the boiler. The metal melted and clogged the hole at the bottom of the boiler, cutting off the gas supply. The fire soon died down.

"Hmmm..." Nancy said. The fire was out, but she still didn't feel safe in this room. She looked around a bit more. In a corner was a Maxine's drinking cup, as well as a pack of Maxine's matches. Nancy had no idea why a diner would sell matches, nor did she understand the meaning of the strange symbol written on the inside of the pack.

Nancy checked the other corner of the room. Now that the boiler wasn't boiling hot, she could actually get close to this part of the room. There was a VHS tape leaning against a grate here. Nancy picked up the tape, then moved the grate aside. It looked like she would have to crawl through the ventilation system to escape.

Nancy climbed through the vents to the upper floor. Once she got out, the first thing she did was return to the maintenance room and cut off all gas flow to the lower levels. She also wrote a note, explaining the situation, and put it in the room so the next maintenance man to use the room (hopefully not Mitch Dillon) would see it.

After that, Nancy went back to Aunt Eloise's house, which was the only place that had a VCR (Very Convenient Recording). She played the tape, which was a video shot by Jake Rogers, containing his various blackmail plots.

First, there was a video of Hulk Sanchez putting drugs in his locker. Nancy wasn't sure how Jake managed to film this from _inside_ Hulk's locker, without the football star noticing anything.

Second, there was a video of the masked mystery contestant from the all male judo competition. The masked man removed his mask to reveal that he was actually a woman. Connie Watson, to be specific. She put her judo trophy in her locker, then walked away.

_Why would she remove her mask, in order to put something in her locker?_ Nancy wondered. You wouldn't expect someone to remove their disguise in a public place like a school hallway.

The tape ended with footage from the library, showing Hal Tanaka copying his English essay from one of the books.

"That was certainly a very well-hidden thirty second tape," Nancy said.


	19. Connie and Hal

It was getting close to the end of the game, so Nancy decided it would be best to talk to all the various people before solving the final puzzles.

First up was Connie Watson. "Hey, Connie!" Nancy said. "I learned that you're the masked competitor who won the male judo competition."

Connie stared hard at Nancy, then nodded. "Yes," she said. "That was me. I know it was against the rules, but I'm proud of what I did. Girls shouldn't be excluded from sports, just because certain people think they're less athletic than boys."

"Good for you," Nancy said. "But more importantly, Jake was blackmailing you about this, wasn't he?"

"Yes," Connie sighed. "He made me break up with Daryl and go out with him. Like I told you earlier, he was a total creep!"

"Did you kill him?" Nancy asked.

"No!" Connie said.

"Whoever killed him beat him up pretty badly," Nancy said. "A judo champion would have little trouble beating up another person."

"I did not kill Jake!" Connie said. "I hated him, and I made no secrets about it, but I didn't kill him!"

Nancy gave Connie a suspicious look. "I _hope_ you made no secrets about it, because _secrets can kill_."

Nancy moved on to the room with Hal Tanaka. "Hal, I found the video footage of you copying that essay," Nancy said. "Jake hid it in the boiler room."

"Thank goodness," Hal said. "This is a huge relief for me. Did you destroy the tape?"

"No way," Nancy said. "It's evidence that Jake was up to no good. Do you know what this means?"

"The police will want to see it?" Hal guessed.

"No, it means I can blackmail _Jake!_" Nancy said. "Blackmailing the blackmailer! It's a genius plan!"

"You can't blackmail Jake," Hal said. "He's dead."

Nancy nodded solemnly. "Yes, Jake was killed by someone he blackmailed," she said. "I guess the moral of this story is that _secrets can kill_."


	20. Hulk and Daryl

Nancy went to the gym to talk to Hulk Sanchez. For a busy football star, Hulk certainly seemed to have a lot of free time. He spent the entire day in the corner, playing with his football.

"Hulk, I found one of Jake's blackmail videos," Nancy said. "You stole steroids from Vandelay Pharmaceuticals, didn't you?"

Fortunately, Hulk decided that he should confess everything to the girl he had only known for an hour or so. "Yes, I did," Hulk said. "After my injury, I was in so much pain...but I had to keep playing football in order to impress the scouts! I had no choice!"

"You could have chosen to be honest and not break the law," Nancy said.

"I regret what I did," Hulk said. "The steroids didn't help me at all. I was _still_ in a lot of pain, and that jerk Jake Rogers started blackmailing me!"

"What did he make you do?" Nancy asked.

"More like what _didn't_ he make me do," Hulk said. "I had to drive him everywhere, do his errands, deliver his secret letters to Daryl Gray..."

"Secret letters?" Nancy asked.

"Yeah, he and Daryl Gray were sending each other letters," Hulk said. "But they had me deliver them, instead of giving them directly to each other. I guess they wanted to keep it a secret."

Nancy shook her head. "Don't you know that _secrets can kill_?" she asked.

Nancy took this information directly to Daryl Gray, at Maxine's Diner. As usual, the diner was empty except for Daryl and Detective Beech.

"Daryl!" Nancy said. "I've got a bone to pick with you!"

Daryl frowned. "Don't tell me _you_ want a restraining order against me, too!" he said. "That's the fourth one this week!"

"That's not it," Nancy said. "I want to talk about you and Jake Rogers."

"The kid who was murdered?" Daryl asked. "I didn't know him at all. He worked here at Maxine's, but his shift was opposite of mine."

"If that's true, then why was Hulk delivering secret messages back and forth between you two?" Nancy asked.

Daryl's eyes grew wide, and his voice grew hissy. "That—that—you shouldn't know that!" he said. "Those could have been for school! Maybe we were working on a project together!"

"You just said you didn't know him at all," Nancy pointed out. "Stop lying, Daryl!"

"You have no right to butt into my personal life!" Daryl whined. "I'm not talking to you again! I'm leaving now!"

Daryl actually _did_ get up and leave the building, with tears in his eyes. Nancy shook her head at his theatrics.

"Daryl, Daryl, Daryl," Nancy said. "Don't you know that _secrets can kill?_"

Detective Beech called to Nancy, from across the diner. "Did you just make that boy cry?" he asked.

"Yes, Uncle Steve," Nancy said.

"Good for you," Beech said. "I never liked that guy. He always served the coffee way too cold."


	21. Code Names Are Cool

"I'm close to finishing this case," Nancy announced to Detective Beech. "I found one of Jake's videos, containing blackmail material for all the students."

"Good to know," Beech said. "Was there anything in the video about Cold Coffee Daryl?"

"Er, no," Nancy said. "But you saw the way Daryl ran out of here when I mentioned Jake to him. Jake was probably blackmailing him, too."

"Find out how Jake was blackmailing Daryl," Detective Beech said. "And find Jake's notebook! That's the only missing piece of evidence!"

"By the way, remember how Mitch Dillon threatened me?" Nancy asked. "Now he's trying to _kill_ me. He led me into the boiler room, when it was about to explode!"

"Okay, we'll take Dillon into custody," Detective Beech reassured Nancy. "But we can't hold him there, without any hard evidence like Jake's notebook!"

"Why is this notebook so important?" Nancy asked. "For all we know, Jake used it to keep track of fantasy football scores or something."

"He didn't play fantasy football; he played dungeons and dragons," Detective Beech said. "They're pretty much the exact same thing, though. In any case, we won't know if the notebook is relevant or not, until you find it. So get going!"

"Yessir, Detective Steve!" Nancy said, saluting.

"That's Detective Beech," Beech said. "I mean, Uncle Steve. We're still working undercover."

"The diner is empty besides for us," Nancy said. "Do we _really_ have to use code names?"

"Yes," Beech said. "Code names are cool."

"Then why don't _I_ get a code name?" Nancy asked. "Everyone's been calling me by my real name."

"Only policemen get to have cool code names," Detective Beech said. "If you find the notebook, though, I'll see if I can get a code name for you."

Nancy got up and left the diner, muttering to herself about weird uncles who were obsessed with notebooks. On her way to Paseo Del Mar High School (or as the kids now called it, Paseo Del Murder), she got a text message from Aunt Eloise.

_Nancy, the next puzzle you have to solve is kind of hard to figure out. You need to use all of the weird clues Jake left in the school._

Nancy texted back, _You mean the clues like Hg:L3?_

_Exactly_, Eloise texted back. _Also, type in Jake's locker combo on the library search engine._

_How do know all this?_ Nancy texted.

_There's a copy of this game's strategy guide in the school library, _Aunt Eloise texted. _I read it one day when I was bored. Anyway, keep safe, and don't accidentally set off my home security system!_


	22. Jake's Tape

Nancy went to the school library and searched for 5253 on the computer system. There was one result: a book entitled Under My Chair, by Jake Rogers.

Nancy went up the stairs and went to Jake's personal study area, below the periodic table of the elements. Seeing the chart caused Nancy to suddenly realize that Jake's random clues weren't random after all! The things he wrote, like K, Hg and H were all elements!

She reached under Jake's chair and found a metallic box, with many buttons. Nancy soon deduced that she would have to push the buttons in the proper order to get the box open. But what was the proper order?

"I must have to put all the clues together," Nancy said. "I'll put all the elements in order, and match the instructions that came with them, starting with the symbol written on the matchbook from Maxine's and—"

Nancy stopped shortly. That was _way_ too complicated. Instead, she turned around and threw the box down to the first story of the library, where it hit the ground and smashed open.

"All right!" Nancy said. She went downstairs and picked up the box. Inside was another VHS tape.

Nancy took the tape with her back to Aunt Eloise's. She looked around the room for a bit, and wondered why her aunt had a VHS player, but no VHSes. Shrugging, Nancy put the cassette in the player and watched it on the TV.

"Hey, sports fans!" a male voice—obviously Jake's—said. "Guess what our student body president has been up to lately? He's been stealing blueprints and files from his daddy's top secret aerotech company."

Video footage of these things played onscreen, and Jake kept narrating. "What's he been doing with this classified intel? He's selling it to Mitch Dillon, our local HVAC guy. Don't know what a guy like him is doing with government secrets, but hey! Both he and Daryl are willing to pay me a bunch of money to keep quiet."

"Was Jake Rogers blackmailing _everyone_ in Florida?" Nancy asked.

The video cut out for a bit, then came back on. "Hey, great news!" Jake said. "I figured out what Mitch has been doing with the government papers. He's selling them to _this_ loser!"

Onscreen was an image of Detective Beech.

"Yep, now I can blackmail him in addition to Mitch and Daryl," Jake said. "Isn't life great? Better yet, he just left his notebook full of important information at Maxine's. I stole it, and I'm gonna make him pay through the nose to get it back.

"This tape is my insurance policy," Jake said. "It's always good to have plenty of backups, in the blackmail business. But I doubt this guy will give me any trouble. He's probably just gonna give me a ton of cash."

The tape ended there. A few seconds later, the front door to Aunt Eloise's house slammed.

"Aunt...Eloise?" Nancy asked. She walked over to the entranceway. Standing there was Detective Beech.


	23. A Criminal Caged

"Hello, Nancy," Detective Beech said. "I just thought I'd check up on you and see how you're doing with the case."

"No, no, no!" Nancy said, furiously flipping through her copy of Secrets Can Kill. "You can't be the culprit! You're not even _in_ this book!"

"Say what?" Detective Beech asked, jumping into a funky pose.

"Rrrrgh!" Nancy said, throwing her book on the floor. "What, is this a remake of the game? Is that it? They remade the game and changed the criminal?"

"Nancy, you're not making sense," Beech said.

"_You're_ the culprit!" Nancy said, pointing an accusing finger at Beech. "That's why you're so obsessed with Jake's notebook! It's not his notebook at all—it's _yours!_ And when he tried to blackmail you with it, you killed him!"

Detective Beech frowned, then pulled out a gun and pointed it right at Nancy. "I was hoping it wouldn't come to this," he said. "If you knew everything, why didn't you go straight to the police?"

"I did!" Nancy said. "Aren't you a policeman?"

"Duh! No!" Beech said in a snotty voice. "I made up the entire story about being undercover, and you fell for it, hook, line and sinker!"

"Then...you're not really my Uncle Steve?" Nancy asked. She felt the urge to cry. "YOU MONSTER! You're going to kill me like you killed Jake!"

"I didn't kill Jake," Beech said. "That was all Mitch Dillon, my _former _partner. I'm no killer."

"You're pointing a gun at me right now," Nancy said.

"I'm not gonna kill you," Beech said. "I'm going to lock you in a refrigerator, where you'll get very cold! Don't you know _secrets can chill?_"

Nancy shuddered at his horrible and rather stupid-sounding plan.

"Enough messing around, though," Beech said. "Where's my notebook?"

"It's in the safe, behind the curtain," Nancy said.

Beech stepped away from the doorway and went to the hidden safe. "What's the combination?" he shouted.

"Beech is a dummy!" Nancy said.

"B—e—hey, wait, these letters aren't even in English!" Beech said. "They're in—waaah!"

Aunt Eloise's home security system, made by the Massive Overkill Company, kicked in the instant that Beech entered the wrong password. A small jail cell fell from the ceiling and landed on top of the fake detective.

"Get me outta here!" Beech yelled, shaking the bars and finding himself trapped.

"Not a chance," Nancy said. She picked up his gun, which he had dropped when the cage fell. "Not until the police arrive, _Detective_."

Detective Beech growled in frustration as Nancy dialed 911.


	24. The End

_Dear Dad,_

_The police managed to show up and arrest Uncle Steve. Let's not invite him to the next family reunion, okay?_

_I met the real Detective Beech. He wasn't too happy to learn that someone had stolen his identity. The trial hasn't come up yet, but I imagine Fake Beech will spend a long time in jail, just like Mitch Dillon._

_As for the people at the school, the Hulk decided to bench himself for two months, until his ribs healed. He still spends all of his time, standing in the corner of the gym. He claims that he's keeping himself in shape by practicing with his football, but I'm not so sure._

_Daryl Gray apologized to his father for stealing classified government information, then selling it to a murderer. As a result of his misdeeds, Daryl has been grounded until he graduates from college. As part of his punishment, he has been forbidden from going on dates with girls. In other words, nothing much has changed for him._

_Hal Tanaka came clean about the essay he plagiarized. He failed his class, but he still got a scholarship for medical school, so he seems pretty happy. He says he can't wait to visit his family in Japan over the summer, as long as he can "avoid the crazy pink bento lady". I have no idea who he's talking about._

_Connie Watson became a one-woman crime fighter, when she started using her judo skills to stop students from misbehaving in the halls. With her as the Hall Monitor, nobody will dare to break the rules or set off the soda machine alarm again._

_Aunt Eloise is still happy with her job as the school librarian. She recently put in an order for a lot of books by some woman named Carolyn Keene. She's really excited about it, although I'm not sure why._

_Anyway, it seems like everything is back to normal at Paseo Del Mar, so it's a job well done for me! I'm going to hitchhike back to River Heights, so this letter will probably arrive before I do. See you soon!_

_Love,  
Nancy_

_PS. Would it kill you to call me sometime? I'm the only person I know who contacts her father exclusively through letters._


End file.
